When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much
by nt'kit
Summary: Alice asks Gilbert about the birds and the bees. How the hell is he supposed to answer that! And what if Oz, Break and Sharon decide join their conversation? Chaos occurs, of course!


Yeah, I know I should be writing: 'The Wonderful Wizard of… Wait! That's not it!' but… I got this idea! So here I am... again…

Anyways, I don't own Pandora Hearts!

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*Sigh* "I'm bored seaweed head… where is Oz?"

The man in question turned to see the girl sitting beside him; he took the cigarette out of his mouth and lit it off in the ground. "He's in the library, just wait five more minutes." He said before letting the smoke out of his mouth. Seriously, what the hell was Oz thinking? Leaving him with this girl in the garden of the Rainsworth family, what if he decided to kill the chain right here, right now? Gilbert sighed, Oz knew he wouldn't be able to kill her if that made his master sad.

The girl sighed once again and she looked up. Today was such a pretty day to play… what was taking Oz so long?

The thoughts of the brunette were interrupted when she heard someone cry, a baby to be specific. Alice turned around, and she could see a woman carrying a baby, she was walking on the street across the mansion but the crying baby could still be heard.

She turned to see Gil whose eyes were closed, it seemed like he was sleeping, but that didn't stop the girl and she proceeded to poke him.

"Ne, Raven. Hey, Raven!" She said, her poking never ceasing.

Gilbert grunted, he was really tired and now he had to deal with this. "What do you want?" He mumbled, the quicker he answered the girl, sooner he would be able to sleep.

"How are babies born?"

And there goes his sleeping time.

Gilbert's eyes shot open, a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. "W-What? W-Why are you asking me that?" Gilbert turned to see a curious Alice.

"Is it a bad thing?" She asked, innocence could be clearly seen in her eyes.

"It's not a bad thing… it's just… uh…" How the hell was he stuck with having the talk with Alice was beyond Gilbert's knowledge.

Gilbert's blush darkened, making the chain tilt her head to the side in confusion. "Hey, seaweed head, you haven't answered my question."

"Well… uh… you see…"

"Yo!"

Alice and Gilbert tuned around to see a smiling Break, he was already unwrapping some candy. "What question?" He asked, Gil stiffened, he couldn't let Break have the talk with Alice! Hell, he didn't like the chain but this was just too much! The way Break explained Gil how were babies made had him scared for 2 weeks and without being able to see a girl for a month. Break's explanation was WAY too detailed…

"I asked Raven how babies were made." Alice said and then she pointed to the frozen Gil. "But I think he doesn't know either…"

A glint appeared on Break's eye before an evil smile could be seen in his features. He walked to were Gil was and bent down to his eye level. "Do you want me to explain this to you again, Gil-bert~?"

Gil stiffened. What should he do now? He saw the confused Alice sitting beside him and sighed. "Alice, run!"Gil said to the confused Alice, was this so hard of a topic?

Before Alice could walk away, Break appeared in front of the confused girl, the glint in his eyes made her gulp, she knew it. Asking Break was a bad idea. "W-Why do you have that face you clown?"

Break laughed, making the girl fear his sanity even more. "Please come here Alice," Break said grabbing the chain's arm and pulling her to the bench Gil was sitting. "Don't be shy."

Alice obliged and sat between Gil and Break, she wanted to know how babies were born so may as well get this over with. "Well Gilbert, come on. Tell the girl whatever she wants to know!"

Gil gulped "Well, um… you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very very much-"

"That's not it!" Break said interrupting the raven haired man. "There are different ways to create a baby, and you don't need to be a mommy and a daddy!"

Alice tilted her head, now she was confused. "Different ways?" She asked, and regretted it soon after when she saw the maniac smile in Break's face.

"Of course! Hold on, I think I have a book showing the different 'ways' to make babies!"

Now Gilbert was the one confused, what was Break talking about? "A book?" He asked.

"A picture book."

"Oh, what's going on? And why is Gil so red?" Oz said not so far away from them, he just finished reading The Holly Knight VIII and was surprised to see Gil, Alice and Break chatting on the garden.

Break's smile widened if possible, "Come here Oz-kun! I'm about to tell Alice about the birds and the bees!"

Oz stopped on his tracks; he did not just hear what he thought right? He turned to see his servant and flinched, Gil told him about how Break ruined his childhood with his detailed explanation… Videos and books were involved. "Oz!" Gilbert said surprising the blond. "Take Alice and run, I'll stop Break!"

"That won't be enough Gil! We need the help of something even more powerful to stop him!" Oz said, panic could be heard in his voice.

"Just what on earth is going on in here?" The four turned to see a confused Sharon. "Hm? Why is Gilbert so red?"

Yeah, well… this was a delicate topic for Gilbert.

"Sharon!" Oz said, he looked at the girl with glazed eyes, taking her by surprise. "You have to save Alice! Break is about to have the talk with her!"

"Shit." Break said, Sharon's vein popped and she glared at Break.

"How dare you explain those things to Alice, you perverted bastard!" And so, in less than three seconds Break disappeared in a rabbit's hole. "Come with me Alice, NOW." She said and grabbed the confused Alice inside the mansion.

(2 hours later)

Gil, Oz and Break were chatting on the living room of the Rainsworth mansion, whatever happened 2 hours ago was long forgotten. A sudden crash and a blushing Alice on the stair caught their attention. "Alice? What's wrong?" Oz asked.

"You!" She said pointing at Break. "You pervert!"

"Alice? Where are you! I still have to tell about how to wear protection!" Sharon said from the second floor. Alice's face paled, she jumped behind the sofa Gil and Oz were sitting.

"Oh! Have you seen Alice?" Sharon asked from her spot in the stairs.

The 3 guys sighed, they couldn't tell on Alice, that would be too cruel. "I think I heard someone in the kitchen." Gilbert said, and with a 'thank you', Sharon dashed into the kitchen.

"You owe me one." Gilbert said to the blushing Alice before taking a sip of his tea.

"I know."

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I always wondered if Alice did know that…

Did you like it? Please review and tell me your opinion! Reviews save lives! :D


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